Showing posts with label blood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blood. Show all posts

Friday, November 27, 2009

Souvenirs...Real Blood for a Change

The second she saw me, she collapsed in my arms and broke in tears.

Never, will I ever forget the moment my mother cried her heart out as she squeezed me tight. Amidst all the crap I went through during my night in Sudan, this is the only thing that hurt, a lot.

A couple of years ago, I along with four of my friends got in a fight with the workers of a gas station located in one of the lower class areas of Egypt. I can vaguely remember why we got in that fight, but I do know that it was over a stupid reason. The result was that we found ourselves surrounded by 25 angry workers who were already holding societal grudges. I still have a scar on my arm and another on the back of my head to remind me of that day.

There's now a new one on my back to remind me of my time spent in Khartoum.

I don't get why I had to spend a night abroad maneuvering my way out of harm, nor do I get why a city became a war zone because of a soccer match. More importantly, I don't see why my loved ones had to suffer because of my foolishness.

This whole issue is beyond me; it is yet another addition to my portfolio of enigmas and scars.

I'd love to hate Algeria, but that would be illogical. May what we're going through be real patriotism or not, hating an entire nation still does not make sense.

So, I'm back, angry, scarred and confused. Anger fades away, scars make me sexier (at least I hope so) and I've learned to love confusion lately.

Without enigmas and scars, there wouldn't be silver linings. I love silver linings.

Yesterday was the end of the craziest couple of weeks of my life. Yesterday was a silver lining.

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family"

Eid Mubarak Everyone!!

Random Thoughts:

My bus was on fire, I had shattered glass all over me in addition to a bleeding shoulder and back, but I still managed to flash them Algerians a big grin, just like I did the station workers. Up yours!

There was this ginormous brick coming at me through the bus window, and I swear, I could almost see it coming in slow motion. When I thankfully dodged it, I laughed like a total nut; it was so absurd that I simply couldn't believe it was happening.

"I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love"

66 work hours a week will make one see this sentence very differently. And yes, I did the math. With my current lifestyle, I shall remain eternally si-hi-ngle. That is so not my plan.

Rain, lightning and thunder while driving at dawn?! Thank you lord.

Coup de Foudre, Je te cherche partout

The Song: Rain - Creed

Saturday, October 31, 2009

When Time Smiles: Schadenfreude

I've been putting this piece off for a very long time. I however don't think that there'll be a better day than All Hallow's Eve to post it. This is the kind of story I wouldn't read to my kids at their early age, not because it's scary, but because it was written by my darkest self. Nevertheless, the emotions through which it was written still are sinfully yet guiltlessly delicious.

This piece could be considered a parallel dimension to my first When Time Smiles, or a different persona for the same realm. Either way, I'm in love with it.

Another crumpled up paper landed on a pile of similar ones in the trash can next to his desk. He has thus far failed to come up with an ending that satisfied him. He gazed at the empty strips in disappointment and couldn't for the life of him think of anything that would decorate them to his liking. With a loud groan he stretched and lay back on his chair placing his legs up on the desk.

Some say old age teaches people unforgettable lessons, but it seems that this old man has done the exact opposite. This aged chap has conversed thoroughly with time, challenged the discourse of old age, and taught them both lessons that they should pass on. He wore rectangular framed glasses that seemed to make his narrow blue eyes even more squinted. He scratched his bald head thinking, and then rearranged the few patches of gray hair on the sides and the back of his head. He looked fine for a man his age.

After looking at the ceiling for a while, the wise man closed his eyes attempting to visualize the last page of the final installment of his world famous comic book. Many awaited this last chapter anxiously, counting on the renowned artist's power to amaze and surprise. He would hate to disappoint.

To many, inspiration has a mind of its own. It hits you like a bolt of lightning on a sunny day. It comes at the strangest of times, when you're least prepared. To him however, it was awfully different. He summoned inspiration; he beckoned it to his service. This was a man who commanded inspiration.

In a moment of sheer brilliance, the images lined up in front of his intellect each waiting its turn to be drawn on paper. He saw the end.

He picked up his pencil.

A dark moonless night engulfed the globe, its wind howled and screamed at him like a cursed banshee. The sea never sounded angrier and the sand under his feet never felt colder. He staggered across the vicious darkness looking for her. He was looking for his angel.

A sturdy mountain line stood tall in the middle of this madness, its power reinforced his dark faith and fed his demons.

A golden shimmer caught his eye, and he instantly knew that he'd found her. As he approached the glistening light he saw the beautiful golden curls that were emitting it. Her hair danced beautifully with the storm. He found his angel.

She stood in a strapless long white dress that seemed to blend with her folded wings and looked at him with beautiful blue eyes. He walked silently towards her.

Moments later, they were standing face to face. He almost smiled, but held it in, for it was not the time to smile. Not yet.

Her eyes spoke their usual beguiling charm, charm that had always enchanted him.

Not this time.

She felt sharp pain in her left side, and looked down to see a knife sticking out of it. He twisted it violently inside her, and that is when he smiled. If a smile could ever be heard, it would be his. A toothy grin looked her in the eyes, probing down to her very soul. He could hear her screaming on the inside, and it made him happy. He savored every moment of sweet pain she was enduring.

Blood streamed down her dress as her eyes widened with horror. Using his free hand he pulled her towards him. This was his final hug. She pushed him away frantically, and spread her wings to escape his wrath.

In a split second the knife had sliced her neck, and a fountain of blood sprayed his face.

Her blood was freezing cold.

He was not the least bit surprised.

She collapsed to the ground and squirmed in pain. He stood above her still smiling, for this was his angel's final descent. Her anguish was his bliss.

He laughed and she cried but neither was heard.

Silent onomatopoeias.

As she approached her demise she looked at him and spread a hand towards him, trying to hold his for the last time. He stepped on her hand crushing it in the sand.

"Rot in hell"

He put his pencil down, lit his pipe and paused for a few moments to relish his masterpiece.

"So, you killed her" a soft hand held his right shoulder

"You can't kill those whose souls are dead"

His life partner smiled. She kissed him on the cheek and left as silently as she'd come.

The old man eyed the last comic strip.

Her eyes turned stone cold. He knelt down and gently pushed her head to face the rising sun. He plucked a feather from her wings, while his creator picked up his pencil again.

In a rare moment where fiction intersects with reality, in cold blood, they both drew a smiling face on the angel's cheek.

Her cold blood.

Tonight, I Take my Demoness Out on a Date

The Song: The Undertaker – Puscifer

Friday, September 18, 2009

Wasted Blood...

This one is inspired by my newfound favorite sport, and of course by one of the parallel versions of myself…

I stood in my corner motionless as I watched him approach from the other end of the hall, and instantly wondered why I was standing there. The pitchy cheering sounds snapped me out of the long daze I've been in ever since I set foot on this ring. The champ pranced about as he drew nearer to the fight zone, waving to his fans and occasionally shaking hands with a few lucky ones. Just like a king acknowledging his subjects, I thought to myself. Watching him get closer in a confident fashion instantly sent a cold chill down my spine, he was one big guy. Worried but not scared, I kept telling myself that I have the speed and more importantly a killer right punch. Failed attempts at self reassurance…

The question came to mind once more: "Why in God's name are you here?". That is probably the only question to which I knew the answer, yet never seized to ask time and again. Questions that start with "Why" never seem to have answers, and when they do, the answers are hardly convincing, hence sending my mind to madness instead of sought serenity. That is why I hate questions that start with "Why", always have and always will…

This specific repetitive question however remains the exception, because the answer comes instinctively and it lights the abandoned room of hope in my house of despair. You see, I believe that I once had the perfect life; to me it was at least. It was nothing exceptional, but it made me happy; it was my exceptional life. Like everything else, this too had to end. Why it ended is of course a question I never ask and never will, and the reason to that is quite obvious. So, lost and disoriented I stood there in my corner because what remained of my former life and self was my pride. Pride is all I had, and it is why I was embarking on this challenge. Pride was my only hope at any fresh beginning, and if that came at risk of getting maimed and mangled in public, I didn't mind. Ironically, this fight was my only chance; it was the double edged blade I held on to in resolution.

Upon announcing my name on the microphone, I was jeered out of my contemplation for the second time. I looked up only to see my opponent had geared up and was walking towards me. He said something about murdering me, but I couldn't care less. His threats didn't matter, because my fight was never with him, so I just nodded and smiled. I tightened my gloves, put on my head and mouth guard and hopped a few times in place. "Here goes" I said out loud…

The bell declared the beginning of the first round and I was already dancing around my opponent trying to find an opening, while the champ moved slowly and wisely strategizing. I was eager and excited, almost like I had a point to prove, but to whom? As the anticipation rose I started seeing faces and images of my past in place of my rival. I knew this would happen; in fact I wanted it to happen. That is the fight I was there for…

Reminded of an unborn future by a dead past, my anger was fueled and I charged my memories almost insanely. The mere sight of them set my heart on fire and tore the last strings that tied me to reality. To my utter surprise, I was unable to land a single punch. I didn't know whether I was deliberately missing or the fighter to which the memories were bound was simply too fast. In retaliation my memories hit back hard in all the areas I left uncovered during my rampage. My memories were punishing me…

I managed to last the round and retreat to my corner in anguish, the first round certainly didn't go well for me. I felt throbbing pain all over my body, yet it was incomparable to the pain I felt inside, as a result of the battle in my head. I stood up and walked back towards my opponent while the bell sounded once more…

I decided to take it slowly and give myself a chance to counter instead of hasty bashing. Quickly I circled the champ again waiting for him to initiate the attack, and he didn't disappoint. Right before his first punch landed on my face, I could swear that I saw myself throwing it, as if I was fighting a mirror. I stumbled back and moved towards the ropes just to get a better look, and I was right. Instead of the skilled fighter I saw myself standing there only a bit younger, which in fact wasn't a bad thing. After suffering from an instantaneous shock, I grinned at myself. "I know your every move" I thought, "I'm way ahead of you". I closed on my mirror reflection and engaged in a brawl with him. This was an opponent I thought I'd be able to take down, and he sure deserved to be taken down hard. It took all my might to keep up with him in a fight, it seemed that it was in fact him who knew my ever move. He knew exactly where I was going to hit and where my next step will be, whereas I had no clue what he'll do next. Forced to switch to a defensive mode, I was once again being pummeled by my younger self. At that point I had realized that I had one more round of torment to go, and I had no idea who I'll be facing next. The thought was almost thrilling…

In a split second I heard a loud popping sound, followed by a punch to the face that sent me flying to the ground. I tried to get up, but searing pain shot through my right shoulder. Realizing that my shoulder was dislocated, I lay on the ground in agony listening to the countdown that had just started. I didn't want to end the fight, but given the excruciating pain I didn't know if could proceed. My muscles were going into spasms and all I could think of is how much my shoulder hurts. "Four" the referee shouted prompting me to take a quick decision, which in turn led me into the abandoned room of hope. Ironically, as I drove through roads of physical pain I for once forgot all about my emotional and mental one. It seems that my head was not the only torture chamber…

One round was all that was left, and I decided to go thru with it. I got up using my left arm and nodded in approval to the question posed by the ref.

"Will you be able to carry on?"

I let out a loud sigh of relief when I heard the bell announcing the end of the second round, before having to fight again. As I walked towards my corner, I wished to see my coach standing there. He however – like many others – had abandoned me. So, throwing in the towel was not option, even if I wanted to mid-fight. After taking a couple of breaths, I thought of popping my arm back in place, but I had no idea how and I would be risking messing it up further, so I decided not to.

The thought of either my past failing me, or me failing myself was not pleasant, but it hardly mattered now. There's a world outside my head, and a life after the one I had. I sat silently waiting for the bell to kick off round three, for that is when the real fight began…

Having to fight without my stronger arm was infuriating seeing that I finally had my eyes on the prize, but it wasn't a total loss nevertheless. I walked over to my contender looking him in the eyes as I closed in, and all I could see was an ugly grinning big guy. No faces, no images, no former self…

I made my way halfway through round three trying to avoid direct contact with the champ, who had by then figured out my weakness. No different than all those who lurk in the shadows of my past he wasn't finding any shame in hitting me where it hurt most, the only difference however is that this guy was real and he was with me in a ring where I can actually fight back and inflict damage…

As the fight approached its end, I knew that it was a lost cause. Hindered by my handicap, I saw no possible come back. I was finally bleeding for a reason however, and that was my silver lining. No more wasted blood…

Another hefty punch sent me flailing across the ring, followed by another cheap shot to the back of the head. I tripped and landed on my deformed motionless arm. I heard yet another loud pop. I felt sudden relief to my right shoulder; my shoulder was somehow partially popped back. It felt like a miracle, but I felt it was about time things went my way. I got up and rotated my arm in a full 360 degrees with minor pain. I smiled at the champ…

"Thank you"

The champ wasn't able to survive his countdown; his head lay at my feet. Knocked out…

The jeers became cheers…

What happens now?

The Song: Stranger Things Have Happened – Foo Fighters